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Paralysed Force

from Western Culture by Kiran Leonard

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lyrics

I regret everything;
immunise (or attempt to evade)
a doubt born of vicious thoughts
with untenable respite.
Forgoing insight
to fill a void that enraptures shame;
to repress or push aside
a weight terrible and precise.
And though it's not the same
as keeping true to an endgame,
the wild relief
of a voice smiling softly
comes to eclipse everything else
and gifts a version of myself
that it feels good to be.

Strength and happiness
are not ideals that dilate and glow with ease;
it is not a casual act
to sustain them on the inside.
To look for an exit,
a quiet gaze that can help you float,
serene and bright, is still detached,
incapable and confined.
And yet I close my eyes,
extending to a vague light,
and I'll wallow and rave
in that sound another day,
when reason has not worn so thin
and the joy that I'm measuring
is a noise I alone can emanate.

To wait for another
to lead the way and to take control
of a soul against itself
and bring clarity for a while
is woeful and reckless,
for there are faults you only fix alone–
(the extolled and missing phrase
an embrace will not define)–
and though it can't be alright
to neglect and disguise (seams misplaced),
to whisper a name
conducts reverence through shame
and a spirit unseen grabs my hand
and absurd intolerance
sees me follow, and disseminate blame.

credits

from Western Culture, released October 19, 2018

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Kiran Leonard England, UK

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